Outrage As Bearpit To Become Open Air Pool In Leaked Council Documents

Bristolians are up in arms after documents leaked from Bristol City Council show the city’s much maligned Bearpit is set to become central Bristol’s latest controversial development.

After ambitious attempts in recent years to turn this hole in the ground into a warm, creative and social space slowly petered out as Bearritos, Bearpit Social and Bear Fruit closed their doors, it’s seems only now the underbelly of St. James Barton roundabout is in the hands of a private buyer that locals are interested, and incensed.

Ursa Bear, the large black and white bear that protects the Bearpit from duplicitous commercial forces, is thought to be morose, and understandably concerned about her surroundings changing so dramatically.

This is despite plans from developer Barclay Wentworth for Ursa to remain as the official corporate mascot for Metro Dreams Inc™ and not be relocated to nearby St. Werburgh’s farm to live with the other animals.

We approached Ursa’s representatives for comment but they declined and asked for people to be respectful during this difficult time.

The man behind this audacious project, Barclay Wentworth, said:

“I am enormously pleased to conclude the purchase of this fine land and be able to make these exciting plans public at last.

The Bearpit Lido will undoubtedly be a magnificent addition to this lovely town called Bristol.

We expect the Lido to be opened early 2020, and wholeheartedly believe that the Bearpit Lido will be best for Bristol.”

Whilst the People’s Replublic of Stokes Croft will be staging protests over the coming days, some of Bristol’s residents are in fact pleased to discover the new ‘Bearpit Lido’ designs.

Kevin, from Bishopston, said, “fill the shithole in with concrete for all I care”, whilst Alistair who recently relocated from Surrey said, “where’s the Bearpit?”

The plans themselves show the entire area of the Bearpit being transformed into an open-air pool, with Bearritos morphing into the SS Bearritos, whilst Bristol will host the world’s first ever dedicated quinoa café.

The complex will also come complete with a sensational 45m waterslide, and we can report that talks are ongoing with Premier Inn regarding an even larger slider that could reach heights of 65m.

The developer rejected plans for an underwater walkway to which the council were furious, as it seriously undermined the stuttering, ‘Operation Move Them Anywhere But Broadmead.’

Many business owners in the Bearpit have recently thrown in the towel with a lack of council funding, an increase in drug use, anti-social behaviour and people wearing excessively baggy trousers to blame.

One local business owner who wished to remain anonymous said, “I just can’t see how filling it with water is the answer, what good has water ever done for this city?”

Residents are clearly divided on this matter, where do you stand on the issue? Tweet us at @bestofBristol