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Don’t Be A F***ing No Show, Bristol

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Don’t be a Fucking No Show

This is an article I’ve wanted to write for a long time, but the recent chaos that the snow caused in Bristol reminded me to get on with it – as apparently our lives had to stop and we all lost our minds. Restaurant no shows are becoming a real problem in Bristol, especially for our independents. They’re losing money, and if we’re not careful we’ll lose them.

I do understand that plans/life can change, I don’t want to hold a gun to your head and force you to stick to every plan you’ve ever made. However, there are some very easy rules to follow if you want to go out and enjoy a lovely meal at one of our restaurants. They’re called manners. Simple, basic manners.

1. If you book somewhere and then your plans change, maybe you were snowed in or you got sick? Call and fucking cancel!

If you were going to meet a mate and then you couldn’t make it would you just think “ah fuck it, they’ll work it out when I don’t turn up”. No, you’d call, apologise and make new plans (unless you’re a complete prick). If the restaurant knows you aren’t coming they can try and find someone to fill your place, especially if they are popular and have waiting lists – but they need to be allowed the time to do that.

2. Don’t make multiple bookings and then choose one closer to the date and cancel the rest.

This is still complete fuckery. How hard is it for you to make up your mind? Why does the restaurant have to pay for you being a complete wet flannel? It seems that this is quite a common “thing” for people to do and think it’s ok if they cancel far enough in advance, and fair that takes away some of your dickishness, however, there are lots of other people trying to book restaurants. What if they call and can’t book because you’re holding a table just because “you can’t decide” and then they go somewhere else and then you cancel – see how cuntish this is? You’re basically a German hogging a sun bed on holiday, even though you spend all of your time in the pool. (Sorry for the horrible stereotype to my German friends.)

3. You are a grown ass person, start acting like one. The restaurant does not need to call you to remind you of an appointment you made.

Put it in your diary and sort your life out. I am a self-confessed idiot when it comes to organising my life and I still know when I’m booked to eat somewhere (mainly because I get all the food feels and think about what I’m going to eat for days pre-booking). If you fuck up, and we all do it, call to apologise. If the restaurant calls you, apologise. Don’t hang up, or pretend like life isn’t happening outside of your bubble.

That’s it. Three simple points. In summary, if you make a restaurant booking turn up to it, if you can’t make it apologise and cancel, don’t book multiple restaurants and then select your chosen one closer to the date, if you fuck up make sure you apologise. BASIC FUCKING MANNERS.

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Granny Smith is a West Country lass who moved to Bristol to seek fame and fortune. Instead she found cider and Slix.

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